This isn’t part of my normal Blogtober line-up, but as today is National Coming Out Day, I wanted to say a little something for the occasion. Continue reading “Coming Out: A Blogtober Interlude”
Here’s a little-known fact about me: This past June, on my thirtieth birthday, I took a one-year vow of celibacy and am considering maintaining abstinence until I enter into a serious, long-term commitment (but not necessarily marriage—which is another blog post entirely). This fact is little known because this is the first time I’ve told anyone outside my own brain, because what if I fail? Then everyone will… honestly probably not care, but I’ll still feel bad.
But, it’s not really a vow if I’m not allowing myself to be held accountable (and it’s a needed fact for this blog post to make sense), so there it is.
This might come as a shock to some of the people who know me, because I have always considered myself to be sex-positive. In fact, I still do. Continue reading “Sex-Positive Celibacy”
This isn’t a “real” post, but I wanted to pop in to wish all my LGBTQ+ readers a happy Pride month! Whatever your sexuality or gender, I see you. You’re valid. Even if certain purists want to take this month to tell you you’re not, you are.
If you’re bisexual, you’re valid.
If you’re pansexual, you’re valid.
If you’re asexual, you’re valid.
If you’re trans, you’re valid.
If you’re nonbinary, you’re valid.
If you just prefer to stick with “queer,” you’re valid.
If you’re questioning your sexuality or gender identity (or both), your struggle is real and you are valid. (I’m also here to talk if you need.)
If labels aren’t really your thing and you just love who you love and do what you do, you’re valid.
If you’re anywhere else in between those things, and I just can’t think of your specific label off the top of my head right now, you’re valid.
I see you. You’re awesome. Be proud.
I love you all.
You know what’s super annoying? When someone finds out that I’m kinky and immediately thinks I want to have sex with them. News flash: I really, really don’t. I really almost never want to have sex with anyone.
Kink and kinksters get a bad rep. Now, I won’t say that the BDSM community doesn’t have some serious problems with predators and abusers, but you know what? So do vanilla communities.
Even stepping away from the “kinky people are all rapists!” mentality, vanilla people tend to assume that kinky people are sexual deviants who like to find all sorts of weird ways to stick this into that to make an orgasm. And, witches, that couldn’t be further from the truth (for me, at least; for most of the kinksters I’ve met and talked to in my life). In fact, I’ve never had an orgasm as a direct result to kinky/BDSM play in my life.
Because, here’s the thing: For me, kink and BDSM isn’t about sexual gratification.
It’s about emotional gratification. Continue reading “TMI Tuesday: It's Not a Sex Thing!”
Apparently, all my TMI Tuesday stuff is focused on my sexuality shifting from identifying as asexual to sexual. *shrugs* It happens. When most people think TMI they probably think of sex, so I guess it fits.
A quick note before we begin:
This was originally written much earlier in the year. This year, I’ve gone through a lot of radical shifts in regards to my identity, including my sexual orientation. Though I do at times still feel like I fall on the ace spectrum at times, I no longer personally identify as asexual for a variety of reasons, some of which I covered last week.
Further, my definitions here may be skewed and I would like to preface this that the definitions I’ve used in this piece do not and should not be taken to define everyone within the asexual community or who consider themselves on the ace spectrum. Asexual people can experience sexual attraction and enjoy sex and still be asexual. The term “asexual” encompasses a wide range of sexual and non-sexual experiences. I am not trying to police anyone’s identity and this post and the ways I’ve personally defined things within it should not be taken as a definitive guide. This is only my personal experiences and definitions.
That being said, I have left this piece originally as it was written for coherency’s sake. Editing and rewriting it to fit me now would result in a completely different post. If there is something in there that you feel really just does not belong or is extremely inaccurate or offensive, please leave a comment letting me know and I will correct it to the best of my ability. It is not my intention to exclude anyone or misrepresent anyone.
Let’s talk about… well… just me, actually.
I think most people at this point realize that sexuality can be extremely fluid, at least for some people. Some of us may go through many changes which affect our identities. I certainly have. I’ve run the gamut and come back to the start, I suppose. So, let me take you on a journey.
Like most kids who grew up kind of sheltered, I assumed I was straight. I knew I liked boys, so I couldn’t be gay, because gay girls only liked girls, not boys. And that was what I knew: Gay™ or Straight™. Continue reading “TMI Tuesday: Let's Talk About Sex(uality), Baby!”