Witches, I’m about to get a little sappy and spiritual in a way that might seem a little out of place from me, since I’m usually much more tongue-in-cheek. In addition to this being a little sappy, this is also stream-of-consciousness rambling without any structure. So, be warned. I apologize in advance if it doesn’t make any sense.
Yesterday, in particular, was amazing. Monday was just a total 180 from how I’ve been feeling.
I credit Sunday’s church service for a good part of it, really. I know not all witches are as interested in mainstream religions like Christianity as I am,* so I won’t go into the details, but the sermon was on joy and basically how we allow our happiness to be dependent on temporary things which can easily be taken from us. Then, we live in fear of losing those things, or worse, we lose them and all our hope with them.
It really struck a chord with me, more than any other sermon I’ve listened to so far. I’m hoping it will be a catalyst to spark some serious change in the way I think about things.
But, what does that have to do with Monday being such a great day? I’ll tell you:
On Sunday night, I left my favorite sweatshirt at the warehouse where services are currently being held (there was an issue with the old space so we’re in this kind of transitional phase while our new space is being prepared). I didn’t realize it until I’d already gotten home and by that point everyone else had already left. I texted a friend from church asking if she’d seen it and after some back-and-forth, she said someone would put it aside for my mom to pick up on Monday afternoon.
The warehouse space is rented out for events, so people come in and out all day, usually (checking on things, touring the space, getting ready for their own events) and we were concerned someone might nab it before I got it back.
I was bummed, because it’s literally my favorite jacket. But, I reflected on the sermon I had just listened to and I thought, “It’s just a jacket. It’s not irreplaceable. I have other jackets. I’ll be disappointed to not get it back, but it’s not going to crush me if I don’t.”
Mind you, I am an anxious, catastrophic mess. A week ago, I would have sobbed at the very notion of losing this jacket. It has sentimental value to me.
On Monday morning, I woke up earlier than normal. It was weird, because on Mondays I usually sleep as late as I can and then rush to leave. But, I woke up like an hour early and couldn’t get back to sleep. So, I thought, “Well, since I’m up, and the warehouse is right around the corner from school, I’ll stop in on my way and see if my jacket is still there.”
I didn’t expect anyone to be there that early. And, sure enough, when I got there, the warehouse door was closed. I was bummed and about to leave, when I just felt compelled to wait a moment. Literally, I started walking away and just… stopped, turned around, and went back. “Maybe someone will come by in the next twenty minutes or so,” I thought.
That’s when I noticed the side door was open. I was able to go in, get my jacket, and head to school. I was thrilled!
Since the campus I’m at on Monday and Wednesday is only a half mile away, I decided I’d walk. According to Google Maps, it was just a straight shot for a couple blocks, than a left turn.
Except, Google Maps doesn’t take into account the fact that half of downtown is under construction and some walkways were closed. I ended up having to walk an extra two blocks out of my way, up a very steep hill. By the time I got to campus, I was exhausted, pouring sweat, and felt like I could sleep for eternity.
Honestly, I was kind of miserable.
But, then I thought, “Why am I miserable? Not because I got my jacket back, surely. Not because I got to school early and have time to write in my journal. Not because I got some much needed cardio in. Why?” And, I realized that I was basing my happiness on being comfortable.
Comfortable. Life isn’t comfortable. No wonder I’m miserable, if my happiness is based on comfort.
Once I stopped and reminded myself, “This is temporary. This discomfort is temporary. This whole life is temporary. There is something so much bigger and better that is out there waiting for me at the end of this journey. Why am I letting being a little sweaty and tired make me so miserable?”
The pastor at church said that bigger and better thing is God’s love. Maybe it is, I don’t know. Maybe that bigger and better thing is reincarnation into a better life. Maybe it’s reaching a higher state of consciousness and no longer needing to be reincarnated at all. But, whatever it is, it’s out there, and it’s way more important than being mildly uncomfortable, or waiting for class, or even my favorite sweatshirt.
And that thought totally shifted my attitude. Like, I was still uncomfortable, still tired and sore from walking up a ridiculous hill. But, it didn’t bother me the way it normally would have.
Later, I realized I forgot a fork to eat my salad for lunch (the campus cafeteria charges twenty cents for a fork unless you buy something to eat). I just kind of mentioned it off-hand to my lab partner, just in this, “Silly me,” sort of way. And she was like, “Dude, I have a whole box of plastic forks in my car because I’m always forgetting them. Come on, I’ll give you one.”
Our biology lab, which I usually dread, was actually really fun and I did really well at it. I understood what was going on, I got the directions, I actually moved slightly ahead of the class (usually I’m a bit behind).
And, I know these are all little things. Getting my jacket back. My friend having an extra fork for me. Doing well in something I usually struggle in. They’re small things. But, it’s like everything lined up for me on Monday, and I really, really believe it’s because of that shift in my attitude. Like something out there noticed and was like, “Hey, you’re getting it. Cool. I got you, right now. Try to remember this when things go bad again.”
Because, things will go bad again. That’s the nature of life. Things go bad for no apparent reason, sometimes.
When they do, I hope I’ll remember yesterday. I hope I’ll remember that this isn’t all there is. It’s not even close. These things which seem so big to my tiny mortal mind are temporary and not worth getting so upset over.
I love you all.
*By the way, speaking as someone who does still identify as an agnostic witch, church is super fun! Obviously, I don’t necessarily agree with everything they say, but it is interesting to see just how much of it does overlap with my beliefs and how it can fit into my beliefs.
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