Mental Health, Personal Update

Sayonara, 2018, you prick.

I’ll be honest with you, a couple weeks ago I wasn’t sure I would make it to the end of this year. My existence this end-of-year has been damn rough and I went to bed on more than a couple nights hoping I wouldn’t wake up.

Why am I telling you this goddamn depressing piece of information just before the New Year?

Because I’m still here.

2018 has been a rollercoaster ride for me. I’ve had some incredible highs, and I’ve had some soul-crushing lows. I started going to church which has, at times, left me even more confused about my spirituality than I was before I started going, and has also given me a sense of community I’d never felt before.

Speaking of community, this blog has been my greatest source of grief since I dared to upgrade the damn thing. It’s also helped me find my people, my tribe, my family. My love for you crazy kids is damn near unparalleled.

This year, I’ve learned a lot about who I am as a person, whether I wanted to or not.

I’m exhausted and I’m still kicking.

I am very ready to take on what 2019 has in store for me. I have a few things in store for it, too.

I’ve made great progress in regards to dealing with my mental health issues this year. I plan to continue that trend going into 2019 and get myself into regular therapy. I want to learn how to better manage my PTSD and all the fun little accessories it comes with. I believe I’ve gotten my Medi-Cal information sorted out and I’ve already begun researching local therapists who take it.

I will be licensed to drive by the end of January if it kills me. I’m so tired of missing out on things because I can’t get to them.

School is a little tougher to make any concrete plans on, because I’m still not 100% sure the track I’m on is headed where I want to go. But, you can take a look at my schedule for the Spring (all that science…) and know that I am dead-ass serious about my education in this upcoming year. It’s pretty much all I’ll be doing this year, for the first few months at least.

There are plans for the blog, too. That’s probably obvious because WordPress can suck a whole Hefty bag filled with dicks of varying shapes and sizes.

I was leaning towards shifting over to Blogger, but while getting myself reacquainted with the interface I was reminded of how limiting it felt. The whole reason I moved from Blogger to WordPress in the first place was to have more freedom over design and such without having to get a degree in computer science and master CSS to make things look how I want.

My mother was gracious enough to offer to pay for my first year of self-hosting, because she’s generous and also doesn’t like it when her daughter is strong-armed out of something she loves. Go figure. I think I may go that route. Which means I’m going to have to learn to, as Allen so eloquently puts it, “hustle like the rent’s due yesterday.” (I love that.)

The question I’m running into, however, is thus:

Do I want to transfer From Adie, with Love over to a new host, saving all the old content and continue on like nothing happened? Or do I want to close this chapter of my blogging life and start fresh?

Who do I want to be in the blogosphere? I have a few months to figure it out, still. Rest assured, I’m still going to blog. I’ve always blogged, since I was old enough to figure out how. I honestly don’t know who I am if I’m not a blogger (which sounds a lot sadder than it feels).

I know everyone says this every year, but 2018 can go kick rocks. Bring on 2019! Let’s kick it right in the rocks.

Blessings to you in the upcoming year.

I love you all.

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10 thoughts on “Sayonara, 2018, you prick.”

  1. 2018 sucked so hard, I don’t know if there are enough Hefty bags full of dicks in the world to adequately feed it. What a shitshow.

    My neighbor flooded my house with raw sewage, and when we moved in with my beloved mother-in-law (seriously, I adore her) while we looked for a new place, she told us she had just been diagnosed that week with breast cancer. She just finished chemo and is doing great, thank god, but 2018 can suuuuuuuuuck it.

    Here’s to a better 2019, and I’ll follow your blog wherever it may go!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. So the reason I self-host (at least I think that’s what I do) is for a couple of reasons — 1) I use profanity and I didn’t want to be stifled by rules dictating my morals; and 2) I’m not interested in WordPress or any other platform being able to use or have a stake in any of my content — not saying they would — but I didn’t like that they could. I don’t have the tech chops to create my own site so I have a guy that I collaborate with (and pay a bunch of money to keep me running) nor do I want to get into the mess of putting ads on it. So I understand how expensive and frustrating this can be and it boils down to budget and priorities. Wherever you go, I’ll follow you. As for preferences, what’s wrong with migrating what you already have to your new site or is that too difficult to do? You have much to be proud of with your current site, so why not bring that content along? Either way, I’m sure it will work out great! And yeah, 2018 definitely has had its highs and lows! May it RIP. Happy 2019, Adie! Don’t forget to eat your black eyed peas for luck in the new year! (Apparently, I didn’t eat enough on 1/1/18.) Can’t decide whether to make BEP soup or Texas Caviar. I suppose it will depend on the weather. Mona

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m the same way. I’m not fond of hosting sites like WP dot com having any rights to what I post. If they change their policy to ban adult content like certain other sites are doing (*cough*Tumblr*cough*), I don’t like the idea that if I post a piece of erotica my site could be shut down.

      As for migrating my current blog, it’s not a matter of whether or not I could. It’s actually very easy to migrate a WP dot com blog to a new webhost. Many hosts actually have WP specific integration and will do it for you. It’s just a matter of if I want to keep going with FAWL at all, or if I want to move onto something else. Even after my paid plan expires, my content here should still be available at the free URL if I decide not to transfer the content. It will still be here to look back on.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. New Year new start maybe? I think that idea kind of spreads. I keep thinking what’s next re life, so much so I think I might write some of my thoughts down to get them out of the way so I can get back to living in the present. Re changes re my blog I am glad I dropped the anonymity but it took me four years to do. It cements me never going back to a professional occupational therapy secure unit or mental health job, which is what burning all my stuff was about. Possibly another professional job in a different setting might be okay. But I’ve nothing to be ashamed of really, and like you, my blogging community is very important to me. All the best whatever you decide to do.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah! I can’t believe I missed this comment! Thank you so much for the well wishes!

      I’ve gone back and forth on anonymity over the years. I decided to drop it with this blog because I don’t post anything that I would be particularly worried about someone finding. Other things… I definitely see the appeal. I’m really happy you made a decision that works for you and what you feel is best for your life. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And funnily enough, I did write all that stuff down, all the things to do and that I want to do on return to the boat…. and then I lost the document! I mean they are backed up on email, did I mention I have a bit of OCD?- so I could find them but I thought, let them go. There’s nothing I need to do right now, except live in the present, and write the book! xxx

        Liked by 1 person

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