Learning to Live

I apologize for not sticking to my usual post schedule. I’m in a very strange mental/emotional place.

I’m thinking a lot about my future; about where I want to go and what I need to do to get there, which path would be right for me. I know it’s necessary, but it’s still overwhelming to think about.

The last month or so, I’ve kind of forgotten about my non-resolutions I made at the beginning of the year to stop putting so much focus on things that aren’t helping me and/or are causing me extra anxiety. Things like finding a job, getting a date, and learning to drive–all of which have been making frequent appearances in my actual pen-and-paper journal, lately.

I really need to get back on that (off that?), because I’m just getting distracted from my goal.

Unfortunately, I’ve also kind of lost sight of what my goal is. I’m starting to wonder if it was ever really my goal to begin with, or just the goal I adopted because that’s what I’m supposed to do–get a “useful” degree and a well-paying job.

I’ve never really been that great at doing what I’m supposed to.

But, hey, in other news, I went out and took some pictures yesterday! I almost didn’t, because I did something to my neck and was in a lot of pain on Wednesday. I wasn’t 100% yesterday, but I was probably at 90% and I haven’t gone shooting in so long. Plus, I’ve lived in San Diego mostly my whole life (save a few months where I found home), but I’ve never really gone out and explored it very much. Never on my own.

I’ve always made excuses, that not driving is such a hindrance and it’s so inconvenient and it takes so long… And I live my life in a room, alone for the most part.

It needs to end. If I want to have a life, I have to go out and make one.

I started simply, going down to the bay at Liberty Station. I knew where it was, I knew how to get there, and (although I’d never been during the day) I’d been to the area before and knew it was pretty enough to warrant photography.

I was there for about a half hour before I thought to text Matt (who works in the area) to see if he wanted to meet up and hang out before he had to work. He was down and a few hours later we met up, wandered around some of the shops in the area, and had coffee (well, he had coffee, I had cocoa).

So, yesterday was kind of a two-for-one situation–not only did I get out and take pictures (a step toward learning to live my own life), but I also initiated a social interaction (a step toward overcoming my social anxiety).

Matt’s a good friend. I’m really glad I met him. I feel at ease around him. He’s a talker, though. I don’t mind for the most part, I like listening to people talk, but it’s kind of tough to get a word in edgewise. Sometimes I would like to contribute to the conversation, too. At least what he has to say while dominating the conversation is interesting, though. He’s not just talking a bunch of random BS just to hear himself talk.

Of course, I’m horribly sunburned, because I forgot to put on sunscreen and then spent six hours walking around in the sun. Oops.

Hey, being a functional adult can’t happen all at once, right?

I’m going to go bathe in aloe.

I love you all.


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4 Comments on “Learning to Live

  1. Really well done on getting out and meeting up with a friend, sounds like you had a great time (apart from the sunburn and not being allowed to talk!) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. For what it’s worth, non-college career paths are real. I know, it seems odd. 😀 Admittedly, I got lucky, my brain is wired for tech (and depression, and anxiety, and…) so I was able to self-start after flunking out of college (bonus: not a lot of college debt taken on!).

    The decision point isn’t “how do I become wealthy,” its “what lifestyle do I wish to have, and what do I need to support that level?” If the lifestyle is “I want to live in the Bay Area” that’ll have different requirements to “I want to live in Colorado Springs” or “I want to live in that one town in Nebraska that has one resident, who is mayor and runs the only bar/restaurant/store.”*

    –Brian

    *Yes, I’ve put way too much thought into that last one. But the current mayor? She’s pretty awesome. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for the insight! Yea, I definitely need to switch my focus more toward what kind of life I want to live, instead of how to get the life I’m “supposed” to have.

      I would totally live in that town in Nebraska. Sounds like a blast! XD

      Like

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