What would it be? One-third life crisis?

It’s not a food post, but whatever. I’m having a lot of feelings right now and it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want!

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I’m writing this for queue at just after 5:30 on Thursday. So, when I say “today” I really mean “yesterday,” but that feels really weird to write, right now.

Today, I had lunch before class with Matt, who I feel like I haven’t seen in eons, but it’s actually only been about a month. As I’ve mentioned in the past, he’s delightful. Not really relevant to the post, but I felt like throwing it out there because he bought me lunch and I appreciate that.

Anyway, today at lunch, I mentioned to him that I’m about to turn thirty and I’m feeling rather dissatisfied with where I’m currently at in my life. Of course, Mercury (the planet of communication) is in retrograde, so I did so in a much less articulate way, but I think he got my point. As I’m about to hit thirty, he’s about to hit thirty-one and assured me that nervous, anxious feeling will pass.

I’m inclined to believe him. But, in the meantime, I’m a bit of a wreck.

I feel so very… not adult. And, I don’t mean that in the funny, meme-y way where I haven’t done my laundry in a month and ate an entire bag of Oreos in a sitting and “ugh, adulting is hard.”

I mean it in the I’m unemployed, uneducated, and have no real plan to change that in the near future. I thought I had all this time, but I’m looking around and I honestly don’t know what would happen to me if, Heaven forbid, something happened to my parents. *knocks on all the wood* I have no prospects. I would have to beg to sleep in my best friend’s parents’ guest room and try to find a job.

No wonder I’m single; I’m such a catch, right?

It’s scary. I’m scared.

At lunch, I asked Matt how close he is to transferring. Pretty soon, it turns out. Of course, in conversational reciprocity (and probably some genuine interest), he asked me the same.

“I switched majors last semester from English to STEM. I’m basically starting my college career over.”

Which is and isn’t true, I suppose. When I looked at my educational plan, I do have a number of general education classes that transfer over from one major to another (my social sciences, I’ve met my English requirement obviously, a history class). But, when I look at the number of classes I have to take–high level math and science courses for which I still need to take numerous prerequisites. I’m looking at another two to three years at the community college level. Then, three years at the university level.

When it comes to the number of classes I need to take, I’m basically a freshman.

Meanwhile, all my friends are either getting ready to transfer, or they’ve already graduated, or my little sister is less than a month out from getting her Master’s degree I’m so proud of her I’m bragging on her behalf I know I’m sorry I’ll stop now.

I know I shouldn’t compare myself, but it’s disheartening.

Marketing would be faster. English would be longer (because I want an MFA), but more fulfilling. But, Dietetics lets me make money while keeping me out of a soul-sucking corporate job.

Not to mention, I look at my transcripts and see all those dropped classes and just feel sick to my stomach. That’s going to look horrible when I try to transfer.

I really, really need to buckle down and get this done and worked out. Which I should probably start doing now, instead of writing a blog post about how I need to.

I love you all.


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11 Comments on “What would it be? One-third life crisis?

  1. It’s tempting to think that everyone else has their lives sorted while our own are a shambles, but that’s rarely the case. At 30 you feel the pressure to keep up. By 40 you realise it’s all a lie, and wish you hadn’t wasted time trying to live up to other people’s expectations. By the time you’re really old, like 70 or 80, you just don’t give a hoot about anything and can say and do what you like. I’m looking forward to that part of old age, as you seem to get a free pass to be a total nightmare!

    Just take it all one day at a time. You’ll get there.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lol I’m looking forward to that not giving a hoot part about growing up!

      Thank you, I’m trying to keep things in perspective. I know objectively that most people feel the same way I do. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really make me feel any better about where I’m at. =/ But, I’ll get there, eventually. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am 20-something also and already feel like I’ve not got anything done in life. But what helps me is setting my goals, for example I know I want a family so regardless of my marital status (using a donor or co-parenting) I’ve decided I WILL get my child. Making that decision puts so much pressure off myself, because I know it will happen eventually even if it’s not the way I want. Maybe just look at some goals you want to achieve, and forget the ‘how’ for now, just figure out what you want in 5, 10, 15 years time etc? Much love x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Don’t get too down on yourself. I graduated with my B.S. in psychology 2 days after I turned 38, and a few months later, I decided to quit my job and blog/write full time. And I’ve never been happier. Sure, I can’t afford to go to Starbucks all the time now…but I’m not working in a soul-sucking job that keeps me from following my dreams. You’ll do great!

    Liked by 1 person

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