Last week was pretty good to me, in terms of my depression and anxiety not being total a-holes.
Part of that, I think, is that school has kept me busy. I haven’t really had time to dwell on the negative stuff.
So, that’s good! Yay!
Except for one notable exception on Friday and Saturday. My brain was just garbage on Friday and Saturday.
I mentioned that, in my quest for spiritual connection, Matt invited me to church (which I will post about on Wednesday). I’ve really been looking forward to this, because it’s something I’m very interested in. Also, Matt just seems like a really cool person and I was looking forward to seeing him and talking to him.
In the days leading up to it, I was trapped in an anxiety-fueled paranoid nightmare. I had the worst feeling, to the point that I almost cancelled. I just couldn’t shake this idea that it was going to go horribly; that I would make a fool out of myself or that Matt would flake or that it was some kind of elaborate joke. I don’t even know.
Objectively, I knew that was all ridiculous. Matt goes to church pretty regularly–he might be late, but he wouldn’t flake. And, he is so totally not the type of person to pull any kind of joke on someone that would involve stranding a girl downtown for any reason. Making a fool of myself is always in good odds, but worst-case-scenario: I leave and never, ever come back and never see any of those people again.
But, garbage brain was having none of that logic. I was a wreck literally up until the second I heard him say, “Your hair looks fine.” (Literally, that’s how he greeted me, since I talked to him a couple weeks ago panicking about how I ruined my hair.)
The service was actually incredibly enjoyable. It’s been a long time since I’ve been exposed to any sort of Christian rhetoric and I’d forgotten how comforting I can find it when it’s not undercut with “and that’s why these people are bad.” But, like I said, I’ll talk about that on Wednesday.
We did go get breakfast afterwards, which was nice. It gave us a chance to chat about the service (I was a stumbling mess because I’m still struggling with opening up about faith/spirituality-related topics with people; also, making the words with my face instead of my fingers is difficult under the best circumstances) and we got to know each other a little better. I am not the only weirdo that ate mayonnaise sandwiches as a little kid, so that made me feel pretty good and also what even are the odds? He was a complete gentleman; he paid for the meal (which, admittedly, made me a little uncomfortable, but I’m grateful all the same), walked me to the bus stop, and waited with me until it showed up.
…now that I write that out, it seems kind of date-like. I am 99.99% sure it was not a date. I’m pretty sure that he really is just that considerate of a person. Which is incredibly refreshing, because it’s been a really long time since someone other than Pup was so nice to me without wanting to use it as leverage to get something from me.
[Aside: Honestly, not that I would necessarily be opposed to going on a date with him. He’s very sweet. It’s just (like I’ve mentioned) I’m not actively pursuing romance, at the moment.]
Sunday was just a really, really awesome day.
So, yea. Last week wasn’t terrible, barring my absurd paranoia. Let’s hope I can keep up the trend!
I love you all.
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