Learning to Friend

First of all, I want to send a big, warm, cuddly, witchy thanks to Sadie Wolf for being the first person to buy me a coffee! I really appreciate it! And a Happy Halloween to you, too! (I know Halloween was three days ago, but I’m a witch and every day is Halloween.)

Related: To those of you who haven’t noticed, I’ve added a button to my sidebar where you can donate to my ko-fi page. If you like my content and want to support me, consider donating. Me and my bills will love you forever.

Now, all aboard the Friend Ship. Maybe.

As the title says, I’m trying to learn to friend. After my meeting with my teacher where I received the saddest, most pitying look I’ve ever received, I figured I had to do something. I mean, I basically broke my favorite teacher’s heart by asking how to make friends. I refuse to let that be in vain.

So, I’m trying to learn how to friend.

Now, I’m from the internet, so to me the best way to get to know someone is adding them on Facebook and commenting on their stuff. There are two guys from school that I’m interested in getting to know better. As it turns out, apparently, I’m the only person over the age of twenty-five who still uses Facebook for talking to people (in this instance “screaming about how stupid someone’s political opinion is” is not considered “talking to people,” I’m sorry).

One of them, who I’m going to call “Ash,” uses it occasionally, but doesn’t have a whole lot of stuff that I can turn into a conversation (he has a lot of stuff, just nothing I know enough about to talk about). The other, who I’m going to call “Matt,” has a fair amount of stuff in his profile and a TON of pictures to start conversations off of, but seems to log in about once every six months.

It occurred to me, if I was going to get to know these guys, I would have to do the unthinkable. I’d have to ask for their phone numbers. *shocked gasp*

Now, witches, I hate asking people for their phone numbers. I hate when people I don’t know that well ask for my phone number. Me and the phone aren’t exactly friends, anyway, but having someone’s phone number seems so personal to me. Like, that is a direct line right to you that can be utilized at any point during the day or night. That’s intense.

…for me. And only me, apparently. Because getting their numbers was so easy I feel like I was transported into an after-school special about how easy it is to talk to people.

I didn’t even have to ask Matt for his number; on Tuesday, when I mentioned he wasn’t very active on Facebook and asked how I could get in touch with him, he offered his number so I could text him. I mean, he might have felt obligated to, but he’d also given me a hug when he saw me, so I don’t know.

By the way, the hug caught me totally off-guard. If we ever meet in person, please ask before hugging or otherwise touching me; I’m not super comfortable with people I don’t know well touching me. I let it slide, though, because it was only a half-hug (you know, those one-arm hugs), so it didn’t freak me out too bad. Also, he was very warm and I was very not warm right then, and I will take any opportunity offered to vampire some heat from an attractive guy.

(Yea, I said attractive. This kid is gorgeous. Prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen. But, I’m trying to ignore that, because I’m struggling just to make friends. If I try to do anything fancy like date someone, I might break my arm or something. Plus, I’m generally a “let come what may” type of person when it comes to dating, which is code for, “I am far too anxiety ridden to ask anyone out, ever.”)

So, that was cool. And easy. I like when things I want to happen just happen without me having to overtly ask things like, “Can I have your phone number to text you?”

Then on Thursday, Ash and I hovered and talked after class, since neither of us had anywhere to be. We had a nice conversation and I totally said we should do it again somewhere outside of school and could I get his number. Boom. Game like a boss. Now, if I could only be as smooth with guys that don’t have husbands, I’d be set.

Anyway, easier done than I expected on both accounts.

I texted both of them today and had quick little conversations while cleaning my room. Matt was more talkative (seems indicative of his personality; he is a very active contributor in class), but both were nice and I’m glad I put myself out there.

Normally, when I try to make friends, I make myself look as intimidating as possible and then wait for people to come to me. I always reasoned that that’s how I would know someone really wanted to be my friend–they were brave enough to talk to the bitter ice-queen. Obviously, that tactic never worked out very well. I only attracted other bitter ice-queens/kings.

I’m much more optimistic with this “oh, you seem nice and I would like to get to know you” approach.

Fingers crossed.

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10 Comments on “Learning to Friend

  1. Good for you for putting yourself out there. Shit, I wouldn’t do that. It is incredible what happens if we just find the courage to approach and strike up conversations with people. Anxiety can stop us from doing so many things, but we have to push through because when we do, sometimes we find a little magic. Keep at it!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think I might have been a Labrador retreiver in my last life because I am just like ” YOU ARE MY FRIEND” and the mailman is like “This isn’t even my usual route…” lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol! I actually did that with Ash, pretty much. We had those presentations where we talk about yourselves and people could ask questions/respond after. I literally said, “You are awesome and I want to be your friend!” So, there’s something to be said for the straight-forward approach.


  3. Woohoo!! SO proud of you for putting yourself out there. I know it’s hard. I’ve had to see it in my daughter for 17 years. It’s hard. But you’re doing it And…..apparently….it’s starting to work. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things, good for You putting yourself out There!
    My trick for making conversation, and hopefully friends, is to simply ask questions about them. Not like interrogate them, but little things like “did you grow up here?” Or “do you have any siblings?” Or now that I’m older “do you have kids?” Any thing that opens the door for MORE questions, because if you’re focused on what they’re saying to you, and asking for more details, you’re less focused on how anxious you’re feeling, AND they feel really heard, which will hopefully lead to a genuine connection.

    Liked by 1 person

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