Monday Musings: Nonsense Ahead. Be Warned.

Stream-of-consciousness rambling behind the link.

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and moving on and things of that nature. Why is it that two people can have perfectly (or at least averagely) healthy relationships with other people, then they get together and their relationship is completely toxic, and then they move on to have healthy relationships with others? What is it that makes two people just romantically incompatible, even when they care about each other?

And how do you shuck the guilt of, “If I can act appropriately in this relationship, why was it so difficult for me to do so in that one?”

I dunno. It’s strange. I miss having a partner, but I know in the back of my mind that going back to my ex would probably end the same way. That doesn’t stop me from considering it, though.

Which is a glaring sign that I really need to stay single for a while. So, I guess I’ll do that.

In other news, my English teacher is actually well aware that her students have other classes aside from hers, she just doesn’t care. 10-12 legitimate sources for an annotated bibliography (which means we have to read all 10-12 sources we find). It’s time consuming. Someone in class actually pointed out that it’s a lot of work on top of work from other classes.

Her response was, “Welcome to college.” Which I found both infuriating as a tired, frustrated student, and delightful as an objective observer.

Because, as much as it may annoy me, yea, that’s how it works. It’s not easy. That’s why it’s called “hustling” and not “skating by.”

Although, I will fully admit that I miss skating by.

My life is full of existential crises at the moment, but I think that may just be the stress exacerbating my anxiety and depression.

I’ve also decided to become comfortable with the fact that I no longer wear makeup on a regular basis. I still like makeup and the idea of makeup for dressing up, but as a daily routine it’s just not for me. Maybe a little mascara or something, but otherwise… meh. But you keep rocking it if that’s your thing! Because one isn’t better than the other.

It’s just that one is infinitely more convenient for me.

It’s funny when I look at me now versus me in high school. I used to wake up at five to put on a full face of makeup. I would put on makeup in class if I didn’t have time before leaving (which probably explains why my grades in Spanish were so bad). Now it’s like, I have an extra half hour to kill before leaving and I look at my makeup kit and I look at my computer and I decide I’d rather write horrible, horrible fan fiction.

Priorities, or something.

It’s been a weird week and a half, witches.

I love you all.

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2 Comments on “Monday Musings: Nonsense Ahead. Be Warned.

  1. Me and my boyfriend were talking about some of this just the other day. I was explaining that even though my ex was totally emotionally abusive to me, he wasn’t like, a bad person. He cared about me and cared about his friends & family.
    My boyfriend said “well I treated my ex girlfriend really shitty, but I just wasn’t into her. So maybe your ex was just not right for you, it’s not necessarily that he was a bad person or boyfriend, he was just a bad boyfriend for /you/” and I think that’s super interesting to think about.

    Also love your comment – “Now it’s like, I have an extra half hour to kill before leaving and I look at my makeup kit and I look at my computer and I decide I’d rather write horrible, horrible fan fiction.”

    I RELATE SOOOO HARD. I don’t even show anyone the fanfiction! I just write it for hours and then read it myself. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yea, I guess some people just don’t click. My ex and I are much better as friends than we were as a couple.

      And I’m the exact same way with my fan fiction lol! I’ve posted a few things (under a different name because I don’t want any of it getting linked back to me lol), but otherwise I just write it for myself.

      Liked by 1 person

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